Yesterday, I went to see a nutritionist. I desperately need to lose weight and I know that none of those weight loss programs or systems are going to bed something I can stick to – I just know it. I need to make a lifestyle change and hopefully this will help me do so.

It really isn’t too much I didn’t already know but it is a big change. And today I began trying. And I mean trying. My eating habits are not oging to change overnight and I can’t let myself get discouraged. Baby steps! Today was pretty good though – I was able to space out mini-meals so I was not starving and tried some different things to regulate my blood sugar. Hopefully, this will all work!

I came home last night from an overnight about two hours north. My friend is away there on a retreat, a respite from every day life. It was nice to be away but just as I began to relax, the time was upon me to come home and all the stress and worries came flooding back to me.

What I want to remember, though, is spending time laughing and talking with my dear friend. Walking by the lake. Driving around the lake and coming upon several deer, just grazing in someone’s front yard. What a glorious, beautiful sight.

But I think I might do this.

Why I get my second wind (and get hungry) at about 10:45 PM every night
Why some of my books aren’t selling on the auction site
Why my shipping options didn’t come up like I thought and I had to field a billion questions in that regard yesterday
Why Norman must whine every night at the basement door
Why some people thrive on doing everything at the last minute
Why some people don’t understand why I don’t thrive on doing things at the last minute
Why my neighbor makes so much noise
Why I insist on hitting snooze about 6 times each morning instead of just setting my alarm later
Why I hit the snooze 6 times and then am ALWAYS late
Why the laundry doesn’t wash itself
Why the kitchen floor doesn’t wash itself
Why I can never remember what time WindTunnel is on
What the Red Army do with all their gear when Jr’s new ride is green (but at least I’ll be able to wear his gear without promoting beer now – not a good idea when you are teaching Sunday School!)

Friday was a bad day – my finances have gone south again and I was feeling desperate for some way to rectify the mess. I put it all aside last night for a party with my youth and that was a great time. We had a lot of cool things planned that the torrential rains put a damper (haha) on but I think everyone had fun anyway.

It was late until I went to bed and then I slept in this morning. I had high hopes of doing some heavy cleaning today but I could not get myself motivated. I finished The Time Travelers Wife (though you’ll have to wait for that review, because I am simply not up for it at the moment.) I finally got myself into the shower and moving around 4 PM; did some errands, cooked a meal for someone at church and made my dinner…then I half-hearted cleaned and put out the fall decorations.

And then I decided that I had to do something about the finances and put 21 books up for sale on eBay. I hate selling books but I feel like these are books I can part with without too much distress…now I just have to pray they sell.

Then I started searching for part-time work from home options. I’ve seen a couple things that are interesting and a few that do not seem at all worth my while. We shall see where this leads…

I am at a loss. I want to write but don’t know what to write about. The church women’s retreat was great, well-received and all that. But I tend to focus on the two (out of 21) negative comments that were received. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t seem to rewire my brain. Can you rewire your brain?

Sometimes I feel like the best thing to do is a complete brain dump…so I can sleep…getting all these random thoughts and concerns out of my head. Then I think, no, I need to find something interesting or entertaining or even a little bit funny to entertain my two readers.

Tonight the brain dump wins.

1. I am worried about a friend.
2. I am worried about some of my kids.
3. I am praying and praying. And wishing there was something I could do.
4. I wish I had a financial cushion to make doing what I want easier. But I do not and I need to be creative in stretching funds while still having fun.
5. I have a free Saturday – what’s that about? Wow.
6. How ridiculous is it to wake up and immediately start thinking about when you can go to sleep again? I wake up that way every day. But here I am at nearly midnight blogging.
7. My dad is on a flight from Singapore that is 18 hours. He’s been gone 15 days. He will be glad to get home. I hope he can sleep some on the plane.
8. I have to book some travel tomorrow before I miss my window. These will not be 18 hour flights.
9. I haven’t read since Sunday. But on Sunday, I sat down and read “The Choice” by Nicholas Sparks in one sitting. Review to follow.
10. I started “The Time Traveler’s Wife” but am not getting into it. I have been told that it will capture me. We shall see.
11. I am having dinner with my dear friend whose wedding I couldn’t go to. I am looking forward to seeing her and hearing how everything was.
12. The weather is changing, for which I am thankful. I am not thankful for the way it makes my body hurt. And I don’t want to take my medicine. I did last night and literally could not get out of bed this morning. I was so late to work.
13. I am always late to work.
14. I am feeling unmotivated in many areas of my life. This is not good.
15. I need a vacation. Maybe I need to setup a separate blog where people can make donations toward alleviating my debt so I could go on vacation – ha! Actually, someone else (probably more than one someone) did this and raised enough to pay off her debts. How in the world?????

Things that make you go hmmmm…

For some reason, I am feeling very blue tonight. It’s one of those things I can’t quite put my finger on, just a pervasive feeling.

Sometimes I wish I was one of those dreadfully cheerful folk who always look on the bright side and always act like things are rosy and wonderful in their corners of the world.

But then I don’t truly believe that they are wonderfully happy all the time…not really.

So is it better to be true but blue?