I was a tall girl. Very tall – as in, in a sixth grade photo, I’m in the back but literally learning forward so it doesn’t look like I am TOWERING over everyone. (I was totally towering and leaning forward just looks silly, for the record.) One of the things that came along with my height (and subsequently, scoliosis) was the lovely feeling of growing pains. There were days when I just hurt and the only diagnosis the doctors could come up with was that it was simply due to growing pains. They were unpleasant but apparently just something to be dealt with in life.

Eventually, my physical growth stopped. But the proverbially growing pains never did. I think back on all the things in my life that led to an emotional growth “spurt” – dealing with scoliosis and surgery; losing a friend right after high school graduation in a car wreck; going away to college two weeks later not knowing which way was up and who I was or wanted to be. Ups and downs through college; entering the workforce with no idea how I was going to make it. Taking on jobs and relationships I had no business being in. The list goes on and on.

I say all the time that I am loving my 40s. There is still drama but my ability to deal is different. I don’t get as worked up about things as I might have. I’m more willing to embrace differences of opinion and change that I didn’t cause or really desire. And yet, I find myself entering another season of what I hope is growth. I feel like I’m looking around again, as I did many times before, trying to find my way, and trying to find those things that make a difference to me. Life really is too short. And there are things I’ve been saying I wanted for my life and in my life…that now seems as good a time as any to look for. Stay tuned…

Actually, it is well past time. I find it funny that I posted something similar about 13 months ago. I tell myself constantly that I need to write, even if no one reads it. Even if it is nothing of any significance. It’s a muscle that needs to be flexed again and brought back into some sort of shape – and like many things, I’ve let it fall into a puddle of lazy.

I’m in the middle of a life change. I just took a job working from home and I’m trying to rewire my brain and work my world around this. I’m starting to let go of some of the stress I’ve carried in me for a while but it’s not as easy or black and white as one would expect. I think it will take time. There’s some healing that needs to happen and some work I need to do to find my peace. It’s a weird place to be, right now, honestly. But I’m aware of it – as I am generally very hyper-aware of such things – so I’ve got that going for me.

Can I guarantee stimulating content? Can I guarantee I’ll write anything you want to read? Can I guarantee I’ll continue writing? No, probably not. But all you can do in life is try and try again.

And so…