I am having a very odd day. I am feeling very out of sorts and overly emotional and I don’t know why. I have a lot on my mind at the moment and am trying to get through a long list of to do’s at work and at home, but generally that just makes me crazed and manic, not weepy. Hmmm.
I am supposed to have book group tonight but I think I might bow out. I usually go straight from work and then have about an hour and a half to kill before it starts. If I go home first, I am literally dropping my stuff off and getting back in the car to come back down near work again, so that is really a waste of gas (and time). Last month, I treated myself to a bleu cheese chopped salad at Outback and just took my leisurely time. (Even though I am not a big fan of dining out alone, I learned to make the best of it when travelling a great deal for work in my past life.) I could do the same tonight but I haven’t been cooking much lately and I feel like having a home cooked meal for a change. I think my mind is really made up already but I am just trying to justify it so I won’t feel guilty.
I think part of the issue, as well, is that the book group is not really turning out to be what I expected (or wanted). My friend Nancy has one and they get together each month at a different member’s house and relax and talk about the book. Sometimes they go out to dinner. They have really created a community and made some friendships through the group and that is what I had hoped would happen in mine. However, so far we have always met at the Cafe at Borders – which is fine – for about an hour and then we are on our way. I don’t really feel like I am getting to know any of the people…and actually, besides myself and the organizer, no one else has really been coming regularly. The first month it was just the two of us, then the second it was us and a new woman who didn’t return last month (even though the book we read was her choice). We did have another new woman join us last month and I thought we had a much deeper discussion of the book than previously…but I guess I am not getting what I wanted from it overall. I guess my goal was to meet new people who also liked to read and maybe forge some friendships through that common interest. I guess I thought that was what a book group was supposed to be about, really.