31 Silver Linings – A Writing Challenge {Day 30}

Time is a funny thing.

I’m a planner, by trade and by nature.  I need to know what is happening, what I need to do, how things are going to play out, well in advance.  (This isn’t, however, to say I cannot be spontaneous because I certainly can, but for big things, I need to know what’s up.)  For instance, I have a program in the middle of November but due to another program prior, I’m trying to get as much done this week as humanly possible.  Yet here I am, feeling like I’m running out of time – because, in my head, we are already well into the month of November.  I have to stop myself to think and remember that, no, today is still October – late October, yes, but still October, and that I have two weeks until said event.

I wonder if others ever have the same weird sense of time I often do or if that’s something unique to me and how my brain works. It’s all compounded, too, by the somewhat frantic nature of the workplace.  There are always tasks to be completed, demands being set forth, logistics to coordinate to someone else’s specifications and timelines.  I’ve said before that this issue has been greatly lessened in my current workplace but I find myself often slipping back into the old ways, the old patterns, especially when under stress and time constraints, self-imposed or not.

Yet there is a deep desire within me to defeat this feeling and simply be present.  I have of late realized that being present is something that I have to be incredibly conscious of – putting down the phone, stepping out of whatever busyness I’ve found myself in to simply ground myself in what day it is, what time it is, where I am, even for a moment.  This is especially true of the time I spend with those I love, whom I don’t often get to spend much time.  Sure, I’ll sneak a glance at my phone while you are in the restroom but I am trying to do my hardest to leave it in my purse or facedown on the table while you are with me.  Still a work in progress, like many things in life, but there is so much to be found in this moment and none other – if we just stop, breathe, and look.