Photo credit: Three Peanuts/Creative Commons
Excuse me, but have you seen my purpose? I seem to have mislaid it.
The last few months have been tough. I’ve been utterly focused on that which I strive NOT to make the focus of my life, that which I consistently tell others not to make the focus of theirs…yet here I find myself looking back and wondering how it is that I can never seem to take my own darn advice. And now that the fog is clearing, the sun is finally making what may be a more permanent appearance, and I’m feeling more in control of my time and my life…I’m not sure what is next.
As I wiped April from the calendar in my kitchen last night and filled in May, I was taken by how very different my calendar looks these days than it did a mere 18 months ago. I was traveling frequently for my day job back then, served weekly and beyond in student ministry, and spent the majority of my weekends in search of fun with my friends and family; my life was full, to overflowing, perhaps. I’ll be the first to admit that dialing back has in many ways been a positive in my life…but the flip side is having a lot of unoccupied time. I don’t do well with that; I never have. I know some reading this will read that as a shortcoming or a way to not “deal” with stuff and to a degree, that’s probably true. But is always who I am.
When my beloved Grammy passed away, I wrote a eulogy to read at her memorial service. In it, I talked about how she was always out and about, helping people out, picking mint for tea, patching my cousin’s jeans, pulling weeds on the side of the road – getting dirty and being in people’s lives.
I am her granddaughter, through and through.
That’s how I like my life. Helping others, encouraging others, being real, being present in people’s lives – it’s part of my DNA. It’s who I am and I believe it’s why I’m here. But, try as I might, I can’t seem to get it right here. My passion and purpose seem to be playing a game of hide and seek with me right now…and all I can do is holler, “Olly olly oxen free!”