I learned from my Grammy how to give of my time. She was always going here and there, doing this and that. When I gave her eulogy, that was a big part of what I said about her, what I admired, and what I strive to emulate. She was always mending my cousin’s jeans, picking mint for tea or dandelions for salad. She stayed at our house with the dog so my parents could stay with me at DuPont Children’s Hospital when I had my spinal fusion without worry. I know she wasn’t a saint and, more importantly, that my relationship with her was different than hers with her children and my cousins, but this is what I remember most when I remember her.
I’ve been working out lately. Walking in training for the upcoming 4 Miler and then this week, I began taking an aqua class at the University pool. That, coupled with a long drive to Pennsylvania, fun times with friends and family, a very long drive back and a late night gig on Monday (long story), has made me quite exhausted. I am not an early to bed sort but I was ready last night by about 9:30. I got in bed and picked up my book for a bit but eventually, couldn’t keep my eyes open. Yet as soon as I turned out the lights, my brain went into overdrive. I started thinking about my trip to Romania two summers ago now and how much it meant to me. It was truly a watershed moment; I quite literally would not be where I am today (both in location and in life) without that adventure. I started to think about the summers leading our students on Group Workcamps around the east coast – more amazing, life-changing times that I cannot imagine not being a part of my experience, of who I am and who I have become. It’s hard to put into words why these mission trips have had such an impact on me. Like my grandmother, I like to serve, I like to give, I like to help. And that is a big part of what these trips were about but quite honestly, they are also about people and moments…just moments, but moments that you never forget, that you carry with you like a seashell or a smooth stone.
In my exhaustion, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the thought of perhaps not getting to experience that all again. Awake, in the light of day and in a little less weary state of mind, I realize that that’s probably irrational but last night, it was a heartbreaker.
I’m not entirely sure, truly, why I’m even telling you this. Maybe it’s because I promised time and again to recount our trip to Romania. Maybe it ties back to the lack of moments I’m feeling in my current life. Maybe it was my subconscious lamenting some really great moments I was blessed to have with my people last weekend. I don’t know…I guess we’ll see.