Let’s pretend you and I together, strolling through a building. I tell you for the duration of our walk, not to, in any circumstances think about blue. Within half a millisecond, you will realize the the carpet is blue and so is the banister. The skirt on the woman who passed by is blue. The letters on the signage are blue.
When told not to think of something, the mind immediately rebels. Seriously, try it.
I have forbidden my mind to think about sleep. And so it is a pervasive thought. I am not sleeping, have not been sleeping, cannot function. Cry each night at about 9:30 for sheer exhaustion. Cried tonight for sheer exhaustion and the fact that crabby neighbor’s son is apparently having a party that appeared to be just starting when I arrived home at 11. I cannot bear it. I cannot sleep under normal circumstances lately and now this.