I have been feeling irritable all week. I think there are several factors contributing to this but one primary one is that I feel like I spend a great deal of time doing and caring for others, and when I am unable to do that to the same level or degree as I once could (whether permanently or temporarily, I guess either really, because I think the current situation is somewhat temporary), people are annoyed and upset with me.
The past few days, I’ve been likening these people and this situation to the Israelites…God rescued them, gave them the best (and everything they needed) and yet they complained and turned their backs on him, creating idols to worship instead. The Lord calls them a stiff necked people and is angry with them, saying that his anger burns against them and he wants to destroy them.
I’m obviously not going to destroy anyone (!!) but I must confess feeling angry a great deal lately. But then I think about it. Am I really in a position to liken myself, to relate to the anger, of God? For pity’s sake. I think that it is really me who is stiff necked, who is forgetting what is important and real and worth it. Maybe I do need to be giving more to others than I have been able lately.
Part of it too, though, is that I am someone who needs a great deal of encouragement and I am not getting that on any front these days. I brought this up at lunch today and said just that. My friends said that everyone needed encouragement, it wasn’t that I was more needy in this area than anyone else. I’m not sure of that – I feel needy – but maybe that need is because I am not getting it? I just don’t know. I don’t think it is praise I am seeking…but sometimes I just need someone to say I am doing a good job, that what I am doing is truly enough, and right, and good.