Apparently, I caused quite a stir with my post about change being in the offing. Besides my inherent busyness this week, I think I was also somewhat afraid to post and tell you all about the things I want/am trying to change because once I write them down, (a) you may find them quite boring and not worth the excitement & hype or (b) you might hold me to them…and what if I fail? But, then, sometimes there is success in just the trying.
Last weekend was excellent. I felt well-rested, content and at ease with myself and my surroundings. I felt encouraged and ready to institute some changes that could positively effect my life. Usually, my ideas come in a flurry and I feel like I have to do and change everything at one time. This time, for whatever reason, was different. I felt, that although I have many things I want to change, that I needed to approach this differently – in steps, maybe even babysteps. And not beat myself up when what I want to change does not miraculous change and stay changed immediately.
I stayed up Sunday night and read a book about this elusive “margin” that a friend had loaned me. I thought it would be difficult to read but I actually got through it pretty quickly. I thought I understood margin and my lack of it – that it was time without anything booked or double or triple booked into it. But really, the author describes it as “the amount allowed beyond that which is needed”. He also says that margin is the opposite of overload and breaks it down into three areas in addition to time: emotional energy, physical energy, and finances.
Honestly, all these things are out of kilter for me in one way or another. I’m sure that’s true for many of us but I truly believe that some people are more prone to lack of margin than others for various reasons – one of which may be personality, another of not being able to say “no”, yet another perhaps of finding that busyness does not allow for solitude that makes you ask yourself deeply personal questions and consider things in such a way that might make you upset or depressed…it’s easier to be busy and just not think.
My weekend made me really think about these things and this pervasive discontent I have felt for some time now. I don’t think I can pinpoint it’s origin or any such thing and if you asked me flat out, I don’t think I could tell exactly what I was discontent about. But I think it has something to do with the lack of margin…and so, my thoughts turn to change. To make things different, possibly to make things better. That would certainly be my hope!
And so I decided that this was the week…it was definitely time.