I feel like my head is constantly spinning. Not in a vertigo sort of way, thankfully, but in a constantly thinking, planning, plotting sort of way. Before moving, I would come up with an idea, bat it back and forth, decide upon it and become singularly focused on making it happen – borderline obsessively, really. Here I just keep coming up with ideas: how to meet people, how to make friend, how to not scare away potential friends, how to make ends meet (at all), how to make ends meet better, what I might want to do with my life, what I might not want to do with my life, where I am in my life, where I want to be in my life, where I could have been in my life, who should be part of my life; the list goes on and on.
Most of the time, I think this is great. It’s part of change, really, isn’t it? Starting over? Starting “fresh”? Having a proverbial “clean slate” to work with?
Other times, I wish I could just quiet my mind and focus. It feels like there is too much going on in there to make any good decisions…about anything. Kudos to my nearest and dearest for all the seemingly random posts, texts and messages they have been subject to over the past ten months as I vacillate wildly from this to that and back again..then over there….I wish I could tell you that the end of that is near and that I’m soon going to be back to normal.
But the one thing I’ve learned through this journey so far is that there is no such thing as normal or, perhaps, more accurately, my old normal is no more.